Friday, September 17, 2010

The Eternal Confusion

Guys, I have a confession to make.  Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in the way I think things SHOULD be that I get confused by reality.  I love a terrible, bloated metaphor as much as the next guy, but sometimes I think life would be easier if we gave more literal names to products.

In particular, two common household products have been giving me a lot of trouble lately.  Old Spice and Old Bay, I'm calling you out.  First of all, anything with the word 'spice' in it sounds like it should go on my food.  Armpits that smell old and spicy are only appealing if you find yourself strangely attracted to elderly Indian men.

And Old Bay?  You should really just rename yourself Red powder that tastes good on everything because that's what you are and you are really selling yourself short with a name like Old Bay.  I don't want to put anything old in my mouth (that'swhatshesaid) unless it's made from grapes and at least 12% ABV.  And the bay?  Smells like a sweaty hobo who slept in the dumpster behind the fish market.

Because your branding is so confusing to me, I had to make this handy illustration to remind myself how I should and should not be using your products.  Not that anyone in my household uses Old Spice, but just in case.  We need to be prepared, people.


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