Happy Birthday, JTT

This morning at the uhgodly hour of 3:50 AM PDT, I received a text message.  When I read it, I immediately understood its urgency, and vowed to spring into action the moment I was ready to get out of bed.  I slept for a few more hours, and finally dragged myself out of bed after I got tired of my cat walking on my head and sticking his ass in my face while purring like a small hovercraft.  THEN I sprung into action.

The text was from my dear friend Morgan, reminding me that today is the anniversary of the birth of my childhood dreamboat, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, or JTT.  I don't know how I could have been so remiss as to forget his birthday for the last 12 years, but my inner-13-year-old was horrified by this oversight.  Thank you, Morgan.  I am now going to try to make up for 12 years of neglect with an explanation of my love, followed by a photo montage.

I first fell in love with JTT in his role as Randy, the mischievous gifted middle child on Home Improvement.  Then I obviously HAD to see the Lion King because he was the voice of Simba, and Pinocchio, Wild America, Tom and Huck...sigh.  He was perfect.  He was hot...he was a vegetarian...then the rumors surfaced that he was gay.  For half a second, I was heartbroken, but then I decided this was actually the best possible scenario, because I would never have to be crushed by the news that he had a girlfriend, and even better, I just knew we were going to be the bestest of friends.  Then I found out he wasn't gay, and I couldn't handle the rollercoaster of emotions his ambiguous sexuality caused me, so I moved on with my life.

But for a few brief, shining moments (okay, like, three years) the walls of my tiny bedroom were plastered almost entirely with images of his smiling face.  A few Mark Paul Gosselaar's might have been peppered in there, but my walls were approaching the JTT saturation point:

Dear Teen Beat and 16 magazines, I want my childhood allowance back.

It was like 1,000 JTT's were watching me undress.  Watching me read Baby-Sitters Club books and build Lego space stations.  Watching me be so unbearably nerdy.  That's how I knew he loved me.  He saw me at my best, and at my worst, which were frequently not that different, and still hung around, gazing at me from the glossy posters and pin-ups.

So, it is with great warmth that I wish you, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, wherever you are, a happy and joyous 29th birthday.  May you enjoy cake and lots of sex with a partner of your preferred gender, whichever that may be.