Like most people in the developed world, except Britain, my early teen years were ruined by braces (among other things). Afterward, I wore my retainer at night pretty religiously through high school, but kind of gave it up in the beginning of college. I mean, I wanted my roommates to like me, and wearing a retainer at night meant potentially subjecting them to either unintelligible, spittle-filled speech, or the sight of me removing my slimy retainer in order to speak clearly. Not the best way to make friends.
Once I found myself enjoying the privacy of a single room in college, the retainer came back. I liked the thought of once again resembling a bucktoothed horse even less than I liked wearing the retainer, so in it went. Now that I'm married, though, I kind of thought I would never wear my retainer again. There are just so many unavoidable ways that I'm going to repulse my poor husband. I thought I could spare him this one thing. But no.
A few days ago, Andy informed me that I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep. I've never done this before, but I've also never been more relaxed in my life (I know I need a job, desperately, but I've kind of stopped giving a shit because it's too hard to face constant rejection when you really care). Why am I grinding my teeth? I have no idea.
So Andy tells me I should really see a dentist and get a mouth guard. That would be an awesome idea, if we had health insurance or disposable income. But, you know. While unemployment has its perks, like not having to work, not having money is kind of a downer. At this point a lot of you might be wondering why I don't collect unemployment, and when I tell you that I quit both of the last two jobs I've held, even though I kind of had to because I was moving across the country, all your sympathy for my plight will drain away. But I'll share with you anyway.
I quit a decent job working for someone I actually really liked so I could finish grad school quickly, get married, and move to Idaho. Then I took a part time job as a substitute teacher, which was almost always horrible and frequently involved children peeing their pants. I quit that job, got married, and moved to Idaho, where Andy
But I digress. I pondered my predicament for a few minutes, and then had a flash of brilliance. I would kill two birds with one stone, but only metaphorically because I like animals and have terrible aim anyway. I would start wearing my retainer at night, because surely that would be the best possible way to save money on birth control AND keep from grinding my teeth. After all, "Letsch have schecksh" is probably the least appealing proposition of all time.
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| Unless maybe it comes from this guy. Save yourself some grief and don't Google image search 'ugly clown' |
When I used to play rugby I'd buy mouth guards from Wal-Mart for like 97 cents each. You just boil them in water, they kind of melt, and then you squish them against your teeth and let them cool off. They might not be dentist quality, but they protect your teeth and prevent concussions. So maybe they'd work for grinding your teeth at night?
ReplyDeleteI've had to wear a night guard to sleep do to my constant grinding. I had one on the long trail, and it pretty much comes with me whenever I have even the slightest inkling I might spend a night in a random place. While I have partaken in the occasional "sports guard" solution in a pinch, the problem is that you can quite literally grind your way through them in no amount of time. The other issue I've come to learn is that if the piece isn't fitted properly, you can put undo stresses on the jaw, causing not only extreme discomfort from your teeth loosening over a single night's slumber, but from the excruciating headache that occurs when you have a constant pressure on a single part of your jaw. All in all though, something is better than nothing.
ReplyDeleteThose old sports mouth guards...ahh, those were the days. They were so satisfying to gnaw on while warming the bench, but yes, very easy to destroy. What even causes teeth grinding? Secret stress? Anal retentiveness? Or is it just a random reflex?
ReplyDeleteI would guess secret stress. Unemployment will do that! All that rejection IS depressing, and it can bring on this feeling like you don't have the right to be stressed out because you have more free time than anyone else. At least that's what I've found in my own experience or from talking to people in the #3 (or are we #2?) most unemployed state in America.
ReplyDeleteYep, that's pretty accurate, you feel guilty for having all this free time, so you invent "important" things to do. Is the unemployment rate really that high in Oregon? I thought parts of the Pacific Northwest were doing okay, but maybe that was just Seattle.
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