Weak-end

When you're unemployed, weekends mean nothing.  When you're me, weekends are especially weak, because all of you jerks who read this while you're at work spend your days off actually doing stuff.  You're out living it up, because you're "working for the weekend" or some other cliched mantra of 20-somethings.  You have no idea how much my blog traffic plummets on the weekends, and it makes baby Jesus cry.  Now, I'm not saying...I'm just sayin'.  That's all.

So, I'm going to even the score a little today.  The amount of effort I put into this post (relative to weekday posts) will be directly proportional to the number of hits I expect to get today (as compared to average weekday hits).  Because I don't do this purely for the intrinsic value of creative expression.  Sure, that plays a large part, but let's be honest.  I do it for attention.  Every time someone reads my blog, my existence becomes a little more valid, which is a big deal when I spend most of my life in my pajamas, hammering away at a keyboard, waiting for a potential employer to call and say "Haaayyy, we want to give you a fabulous job!"  In my dream world, my future employer will be a flamboyantly gay man who will become one of my BFF's and he and his husband (because gay marriage will obviously be legal in my dream world) will ask me to be the godmother to their adorable adopted baby. 

But, I digress.  The point of this post was to announce that there won't really be a post today, because I'm going to spend the day working on that book to which I keep alluding.  I have realized that people keep stealing my ideas because I'm too slow to market them in any meaningful way, so I'm going to hurry up and write this book before it happens again. 

Here is a list of some of my favorite stolen ideas:

1.  Unicorn on the cob.  I doodled a unicorn with a corncob for it's horn in 2003.  I drew it in the margins of my notebooks every time I was bored in class.  I drew it all the time, basically.  Fast forward to 2007, and freaking Delia's makes a shirt with my design on it.  What gives?

Mine was better, and the caption just ruins it.  Ever heard of sublety?

2. Remember Ashlee Simpson?  Jessica Simpson's prettier, thinner, but ultimately even less talented younger sister?  Well, she stole one of my drawings for a music video.  In February 2007, I did an 18'x24' drawing of a horse standing on top of a Rubik's cube that was floating in the desert.  Whoever stole my creativity this time didn't mess around.  By December of that same year, Simpson's music video for "Outta My Head (Ay-Ya-Ya)" was released.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this:

Well, at least I'm in good company, as they co-opted Dali, too.

And the worst part was that I kind of liked the song, and I actually just now watched the entire video, even though you can clearly see that I took this screen shot at 41 seconds.  I'm a little embarrassed about that.

3.  Sarah Silverman.  Actually, I can't be angry about this one, because I adore her, and she was here first.  But still.  When I heard she had written a book, I couldn't wait to read it.  When I heard its title, I was crestfallen, because then I had to think up a new title for my own book.  Dammit.  The icing on the cake, however, was my mom's reaction to her book cover:

My own mother asked me how I got my face on the cover of Sarah Silverman's book.  She saw the book in the Amazon banner on this blog and assumed that I had superimposed my face onto the book cover.  I was flattered, but slightly appalled that my own mother could mistake a 39 year old woman for her 25 year old daughter (but let's be honest, if I look that good at 39 I will have done something right in my life).

So, people, I have to write this book before someone sucks its potential content from my brain and profits from it before I do.