Are you ready for this?
No, I'm not pregnant, but what I have to say is just as weird. We're moving again! Guess where! Here are some hints:
When I found out, I wasn't exactly 'buzzing' with excitement. Nor was I all that 'jazzed.'
To woman up and deal with this news, putting on my big girl panties isn't going to cut it - I may have to put on some sacred underwear.
It's a good thing I'm a featherweight imbiber, because I'm going to have to get used to drinking 3.2% alcohol beer.
Have I been too subtle?
It's true. We are moving to the Beehive State, where Andy obtained a Big Boy job (not a job at a Big Boy restaurant, but legitimate, exciting employment in his chosen field and I should note that I am both proud of and happy for him because he will read this and then get all poopy pants that I'm complaining but I'm really not trying to rain on his parade). I was sad to learn that its moniker did not come from the Utahns collective love of our apian friends, but rather because of the "hive mind" mentality of its citizens (and also because they value thriftiness and hard work, which is alright because I am nothing if not thrifty). But I really thought there would be honey. Sad face.
I have just twelve days left at my job that I am coming to loathe, and then we pack and move early next month. I am just not cut out to deal with high school students. Or at least not these high school students. I feel like I am constantly in an adversarial position with these monsters. At least they live in New Jersey, so pumping gas is a career option when they ultimately fail at life.
And I really have no business being a high school librarian. Reader's advisory? I can suggest a ton of books but you aren't going to like a single one, kids! What should you read next? You're interested in books about self-discovery and girls having adventures? Why not read some Thomas Hardy - Tess of the D'Urbervilles is loaded with self-discovery and adventure. If by self-discovery and adventure you mean: a girl in 19th century rural England leaves home to earn money for her family because her alcoholic father can't support them, and on the way she gets hardcore raped and impregnated, and then things get really ugly.
Was that the kind of story you wanted to read? Oh, you wanted a book about teenagers going on a road trip where they spend their parents' money and make out with cute boys, but on the drive home one girl confesses that her parents are getting divorced so they softly weep together for a quarter mile of highway before cranking up the pop music and returning to the gilded prison of suburbia? Sorry, I have no idea, but I'm sure I've just described the plot of 60% of YA lit in existence, so it couldn't be that hard to find something.
Well that escalated quickly. This was supposed to be a post about moving! Needless to say, Utah wasn't at the top of my list of places I ever wanted to live. In fact, it wasn't even on the list. There was a list, and Utah was nowhere near it. But the more I learn about my future home, the more I think maybe it won't be so bad. I am kind of looking forward to a fresh start.
And if all else fails, I'm sure I'll find some hilariously weird things about which to blog. Because, let's be honest. New Jersey is totally bizarre, but a lot of its idiosyncrasies fly right under my radar because I'm so used to them. I have had much less inspiration to write since I've been back in New Jersey (although having a full-time job and cable TV and close proximity to family and friends might also be to blame) so maybe Utah will be a nice kick in the pants (a kick that will, no doubt, be buffered by the padding of the sacred underwear).
