Syllabus #113

What do you do for yourself when you really want to give yourself a treat?  Do you book a spa day?  Buy a bunch of new makeup?  A purse?  Shoes?  Serious question.  How do you live?  Asking for a...me.

I went out and got two extra jobs this summer, and decided to treat myself with...wait for it...3 bras and a fancy vacuum.  And I felt really guilty about it.  Even though all of said items were on sale AND I used a cash-back app.  Even though I fully reserve the right to return any of the above.  Even though I'm way overdue for some properly fitting, not-decomposing bras.  And this new vacuum is cordless and quiet!  And it will not smell like burning cat barf from the one time I used it to suck up cat barf that was apparently not all the way dry.  Rookie mistake.  Will not be using my precious cordless, lightweight, quiet, air-filtering stick vacuum to clean up cat barf.  

I'm not anticipating Vacuum Delivery Day with the stomach-clenching glee of a child who fully believes they are getting a pony for Christmas.  I mean, truthfully, I am, but let's not speak of it, lest the hype be more than this cleaning apparatus can deliver.  I want it to suck, but not suck.

I shed so much my mom had to spend an outrageous sum of money on a new quiet vacuum that won't scare the shit out of me while she uses it to clean up my dog hair tumbleweeds.

If there was ever a time for the good people of Philadelphia to throw batteries at something big and white, this woulda been it, guys.

There's no shame in my expired food game.  Unless food or medication is actively growing fur, emitting sulphuric fumes, or glowing in the dark, I will consume it.  Will the expired food make me ill?  Probably not.  Will the expired medicine have any effect?  Also probably not.

Say what you will about American school systems' various responses to the panini, but at least we weren't asking parents to donate money or time to clean and repair the schools before we re-opened them.  I mean, I didn't have working heat for a couple of weeks in the dead of winter, but ya know, could have been worse?

David Sedaris, National Treasure.  Can't wait to see what he wears when we go to seem him at TPAC this September.  "I used to be so intimidated going into stores. I think really smart stores should have plain-looking staff members. Because when you go into a store, and you think, "Well, I'd never look as good as that person," then chances are you're not going to buy it. If I had a clothing store, I'd hire hunchbacks. I really would make sure that the customer always looked better than the staff."

Analog Reading:

Finished Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing by Lauren Hough, an essay collection about her storied life after escaping a childhood in the Children of God cult.  Her writing style is humorous enough to turn child abuse and getting kicked out of the military as a lesbian during DADT and working a series of low-wage jobs on the precipice of homelessness into a rollicking good time.

Making my way through The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen and still plodding through The Body by Bill Bryson.