Officially arrived in The West

We may have rolled into Utah on Thursday afternoon, alive but not quite unscathed from our four day journey.  But I didn't realize until today that we are fully in The West.  I've been slowly savoring all 858 pages of Lonesome Dove for the past couple weeks, so I've been cultivating a Western frame of mind for a while now.  Even still, I wasn't quite ready for what I found in the mail today.

Normal people in normal places get their Red Plum bulk mail circular full of grocery store and drug store sale flyers.  We got one today with flyers from the three grocery stores in town.  Most of the sales consist of huge portions of ridiculously cheap meat and cases of the pitiful 3.2 beer we are forced to buy.  But as I paged through the circulars, I discovered a whole new world of awesome.  My life is forever changed.  I never again want to live in a place where I don't receive sale circulars for a single store where I can buy all of the following:

Live chickens

Dutch ovens (dude, I know)

Mane n' Tail shampoo that is actually intended for use on a horse

Pistols

Rifles

Handguns

Revolvers

The next time I go shopping, my grocery list is going to look a little like this:

milk - 2%

orange juice - with pulp

eggs  live chickens

greek yogurt

spinach

revolver- with holster

An extra $30 for the holster?  Worth.  It.

Speaking of 3.2 beer, though, there IS a loophole.  Apparently microbrews can be 4.0?  I don't know.  Trying to comprehend Utah's liquor laws is like playing Candyland with a three year old.  No matter what you do, they keep changing the rules and making shit up so you lose every time.  Here's one brewery that is clearly sticking it to the man as flamboyantly as possible:

Utah.  So far, so good.  Lots to report, but I just wanted to whet your appetites with this morsel while I go about the business of joining a gym, laying out, finding a laundromat (gasp) until our washer gets delivered next week, getting a driver's license, securing pending employment, and then maybe realigning my priorities because clearly that list betrays my New Jersey provenance.  Whatever, I'm not ashamed.