Friday Feels

Andy took this picture of Ajax "cleaning himself."  By the looks of it he has a little more to be ashamed of than personal hygiene.

It's Friday!  I feel like I should be measuring my workday not in minutes or hours remaining, but in the number of emails I still need to send before I feel good about leaving for the day.  Having a conscience/ work ethic is the worst.

I hope everyone has some fun plans for the weekend!  If you don't have any plans, pour yourself a glass of your favorite adult beverage, build a blanket fort, drag your laptop inside, and spend some time checking out these amusing and/or delicious things:

Hanson brews beer now?  Where can one acquire a tall cold bottle of MMMhops?

Also tempting and delicious - this Lemon Buttermilk Bundt Cake from Shutterbean!  I love using my bundt pan, but excuses to do so are few and far bewteen.  Maybe I'll make this for my birthday cake in a few weeks?

Let's switch gears and ruin appetites!  This NYTimes Magazine article by Michael Pollan talks about all the millions of bacteria and microbes that call your skin, orifices, and guts home.  Here's a passage that really hit me:

 “The world is covered in a fine patina of feces,” as the Stanford microbiologist Stanley Falkow tells students. The new sequencing tools have confirmed his hunch: Did you know that house dust can contain significant amounts of fecal particles? Or that, whenever a toilet is flushed, some of its contents are aerosolized? Knight’s lab has sequenced the bacteria on toothbrushes. This news came during breakfast, so I didn’t ask for details, but got them anyway: “You want to keep your toothbrush a minimum of six feet away from a toilet,” one of Knight’s colleagues told me.

Ok, real talk, whose bathroom is big enough that your toilet could be 6 feet away from anything?  Should I suspend my toothbrush from the ceiling?  Keep it in another room?  How about just inside a closed cabinet?  Doesn't closing the toilet lid before flushing circumvent this travesty?  These are the things we need to know - don't leave me hanging, M-Po!

Um, did you guys know that Mermaids aren't real?  Animal Planet, where were your fact checkers when this happened?  Next you'll be trying to say that everything on Finding Bigfoot has been a giant hoax.  Who can we even trust anymore?

I thought after three years of marriage, Andy would be ready to spice things up.  After we went out for our anniversary dinner last night, I dropped a bomb on him - I told him I wanted to start dressing in matching outfits like this couple.  He balked.  My lawyer will be contacting his lawyer shortly, but I'm told it's too late for an annulment.   

Speaking of marriage, these were some really interesting considerations.  I think #2, 4 and 10 are especially important.  I also would like to add that you should really talk in great detail about food preferences (willingness to eat leftovers on consecutive days, willingness to drink microwaved day-old coffee, thoughts on sweet potatoes and butternut squash - these things would have been really productive for us to hash out before prancing down the aisle).

Speaking of prancing (how do you like these awkward segues?) - Sweet Mother of God.  This video has been making the viral rounds this week and it's a thing of beauty.  It takes the Richard Simmons proclamation, "Don't you feel like a pony when you sweat?" to a whole. new. level.


Don't prance too hard out there this weekend, guys.  And cover your toothbrush.

Third is the One With the Hairy Chest

How did this happen already?  Where has the time gone?  Is this a sampling, a little tiny whiff, of the way I'll feel when I have a kid that all of a sudden cuts teeth, crawls, learns how to wipe itself, hits puberty, gives me the finger, and goes away to college?  

Happy Three Year Anniversary to the best husband a weirdo like me could ever ask for.  Now our ratio of years married : number of cross-country moves is even.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  The scales have always been tipped in favor of the moves.  Could it be approaching that time again?  I don't know.

Tonight we'll be celebrating with sushi and ice cream, and then going home to open up the mysterious tube-shaped present my mom sent us.  I'm thinking Great American Challenge.  Or poster?  Good God I hope it's not the former.  I really hope my mom doesn't even know what that is (please spare yourself and don't Google it, mom - or anyone...just don't...now you're going to, though - sorrynotsorry).

Bejeweled Black Rice Salad

It was really tempting to call this 'Bedazzled Black Rice Salad.'  It's the kind of dish that makes you want to put rhinestones on your jean jacket.  Or on your backpack.  Or your dog.  It's easy to get carried away with bedazzling.  Let's regroup.

This is a springtimey kind of grain salad that can easily be tweaked a little to take your mouth straight on in to summertime flavortown.  I really like the slighty chewy texture of the black rice, and it makes the colors of the cranberry, carrot, and scallions really pop.

Gather up your ingredients.  For the salad you'll need:

A large bowl

2 cups of black rice (Wild or brown basmati rice would also work well here, but it won't be as pretty!)

4 cups water

3-4 Scallions, chopped

3/4 cup shredded carrots

1/3 to 1/2 cup dried cranberries

Goat cheese or feta (totally optional but highly recommended, unless you want to veganize it)

For the dressing, you'll need:

2 tablespoons of olive oil
2 tablespoons of dijon mustard
1 cup of OJ
Salt and (generous amounts of) pepper, to taste

While your rice is cooking, chop up your scallions.  If you're not lazy like me, get yourself an arm workout and shred the carrots that you didn't buy pre-shredded.  Toss your scallions, carrots, and cranberries in your large bowl.

Whisk up your dressing and set it aside.

Get distracted by the colors.  Regroup and get back to work.

When your rice is done, let it cool for a few minutes and stir it into your chopped veggies and dried fruit.

Stir in your dressing.

Crumble in some goat cheese!  Go ahead, crumble in a little extra.  You won't regret it.  You deserve it.

Put the finished product in your mouth right away.  Don't try to take pictures while the sun is hiding behind a cloud.  Nobody is photogenic in fluorescent lighting, not even Bedazzled Bejeweled Black Rice Salad.

It's also great cold!  I took leftovers for lunch a few times last week.  If you want to amp up the summer quotient, try adding lime zest and a squeeze of lime juice to the dressing, and stirring in some chopped fresh mint leaves with the veggies.  Would that make it a Mojitoed Black Rice Salad?  Would it even be fair to eat that without an actual mojito in hand?  It's best not to tempt fate.  If you summerfy this salad, make yourself a mojito to go with it.  

Memorial Day Weekend

I completely forgot this was going to be a three-day weekend until the middle of last week!  Best surprise.  It was exactly what I needed after being away for a week, and then slogging through a waist-deep email cesspool this past week.  So much cleaning and yard work happened.  So much vitamin D.

Speaking of D, this weekend was brought you by the Dark and Stormy:

I kicked off the weekend with a wild afternoon running errands with Charlie.  He was a very patient, if slobbery, co-pilot.

We were at a red light.  Promise.

I rewarded him with an early evening walk:

Blossoms for days

Not pictured:  The ample bowel movement Charlie just had to release three blocks from home.

Saturday was all about Pilates and landscaping:

Apparently my shadow is a bodybuilder

Rose bushes and fresh mulch.  I "forgot" to take a before picture.  It was embarrassing. 

Post-pizza walk to visit friends

Technicolor flower beds 

Not pictured:  Laundry, grocery shopping, pizza making, multiple thorn lacerations.

Sunday started off with extra Hadley cuddles, and devolved into a cleaning and laundry marathon, followed by some running, cocktailing, relaxing, and Mad Men watching:

She's very persuasive 

Running down country roads - this horse did not take kindly

Sneaky shower cocktails  

Relaxing before dinner - Oprah can do no wrong

Not pictured:  Laundry, vacuuming, toilet scrubbing, window washing, Andy's pork smoking.

Monday was all about saving the best for last:

I found love in a breakfast burrito

Bluest sky

Intrepid Charlie 

Kale, banana, and berry smoothie with almond milk, peanut butter, and chia seeds

Spicy 3-bean chili with goat cheese and a slab of cornbread

Not pictured:  Pancakes for Andy; two+ hours of weeding last year's garden; planting kale, tomatoes, onions, and watermelon (that probably won't grow at all!); sunburned feet.

And now we've revived our Netflix subscription and are spending the waning hours of our freedom watching Arrested Development!  Only four more days until the weekend...

Friday Feels

Coming back to work after a week out of the office is terrifying.  Staring into my inbox is like peeking into the Bucket of Truth.

Backyard lunching

I'm not sure which was in greater disarray - my email situation, or my house.  I was probably more disheartened about the email, to be honest.  Somehow, Andy's cloud of filth and squalor that floats around him at all times throughout my absence is kind of endearing.  It makes me feel needed.  He really needs me to sweep up those pork chunks and spices that somehow escaped the clutches of his bleach rag when he "cleaned" the kitchen after grinding meat and stuffing sausage.  Where would his laundry be without me?  Still in the hamper.  Where would all the cat hair be without me?  Still on the floor.  Where would Andy's colon be without me?  Impacted with sausage and cheese, that's where.  Too much?  Too far?  Sorry, this is real life, people.

A little too real, maybe.  So how about a distraction or five?  Or maybe even more.  Who's counting?  It's a three day weekend coming up, and I'm feeling loose (but not in that way...pervs).

Here are some juicy tidbits from around the cyber world (sort of like the opposite of the dried up tidbits in my kitchen - the healing process is slow, and it really helps to get it out in the open and talk about it):

I really do like my job, but this week, every day felt like this kind of Monday.

Now, at the end of the week, I feel like the only conversation I'm capable of having would sound about as rational as this one.

In honor of the much-awaited return of Arrested Development, let's drop some knowledge on the real-life phenomenon of the never-nude!  Where do you fall on the never-nude<-->always-nude spectrum?  I think, temperature permitting, I would like to skew towards the mostly naked side.  I went through a serious mooning and streaking phase as an adolescent.  At just the time when girls were starting to be ashamed of their bodies, there I was shoving my shapeless, awkward form all up in your face.  In retrospect, maybe that was some kind of Lena Dunham-esque statement about people needing to get the heck over their discomfort with other people's bodies.  Too deep for a 12 year old?  Probably.  Just done for shock value?  Also probably.

Oh, Onion, it's like you know me!  I'm always counting down the minutes to my next meal.  No shame, no satire.  Breakfast is what gets me out of bed in the morning.

To balance out the gluttony (is it still gluttony if you're nomming down on a big bowl of oatmeal or a kale and banana smoothie?), I'd love a tread-desk.  It's for the good of society!

If you can't walk all day, surely you have seven minutes in heaven for a high-intensity interval workout!  I haven't tried this particular workout, but I do go to a 15 minute ab class once or twice a week.  From that experience of doing short bursts of intense and fast-paced exercises with little to no rest for a concentrated period, I'd be willing to try it.  HardCORE (the ab class) seems to be pretty effective (at least, if you actually do the exercises instead of flopping around on your back like a fish in its death throes like most of the roid-raging bros with biceps the size of their heads are wont to do).

And as usual, a window-shopping wishlist:

This shirt from Anthropologie!  In navy, size M, please go on sale soon so I can make you mine (already tried it on, and it looks better with a looser fit than the model is wearing, in my frumpy humble opinion)

This cat shirt is perfect.  Purrfect?  Had to.  Shouldn't have.

This book will just fuel the fire of my neurotic perfectionism when having company, but I'm intrigued.


Happy Holiday Weekend!  Go crack open a cold one and relax for me while Andy and I get busy cleaning all the things and weeding all the weeds!

Bits and Pieces

Let's just get this little nugget out of the way:

I have finally experienced the last 'age-based privilege' milestone.  While reserving a rental car for last week's work trip, I checked off the box for '25 and up' for the Renter's Age question, thus avoiding any young/high-risk driver surcharges or premiums.  I could have checked that box almost three years ago, but I have never had any reason to rent a car!  Now it's like, what other age-specific milestones are there to look forward to?  Mammograms?  Colonoscopies?  Social Security?  What is the meaning of life now?  It's all down hill from here.

Were you the type to fully embrace milestones as soon as you reached them?  It was such a rush as a teenager.  Sixteen and half?  Learner's permit, right now, pleaseandthankyou!  Seveneenth birthday?  Let's spend it at the DMV!  Eighteen?  Heck yea you'll rent that porno that you won't even watch!  Twenty-one?  Pints of Guinness make you strong, friends.  Now that's all over.  All the fun is over, and it was set to end not with a bang, but a whimper.  And by whimper, I mean a Chevy Spark.  Sincere apologies if this is your ride, but what even is this?

However, the Age-Based Privilege Milestone gods (that I just invented) smiled upon me, and caused Enterprise to be fresh out of economy cars.  Instead, they handed over the keys to this little gem:

So little!

While in Philadelphia, I indulged in some sunny late afternoon strolls through Rittenhouse Square:

Indulged in some retail therapy of the Anthropologie window-shopping variety.  Between the soothing music, gorgeous fabric, and delicious smells, walking into that store always feels like a visit to a spa (until you start looking at price tags):

I can't wait for this shirt to go on sale!

Took totally discrete awkward photos of Kate Flannery on Broad Street (coincidentally the night before The Office series finale):

Meredith!

 Walked around my old neighborhood where I spent my first three semesters of college:

I still have never been inside Dirty Frank's

 Enjoyed a fantastic meal with even better friends:

Giorgio's on Pine

 Rode the train:

All that grime in the yellow safety strip just makes you want to whip out a toothbrush and some bleach and go to town.  Right?  Just me?  Okay.

Looked at the clouds:

Traipsed around the gayborhood:

One block north of here, I saw a guy wearing a suit with flip flops.  He was sitting on his stoop, flicking through his phone with one hand and engaging in a full-on, wrist-deep nose-picking expedition.  I didn't have the hear to take his picture, but I couldn't keep that knowledge inside.  It was the flip flops that really pushed things over the edge.

Got up way too early:

Sunrise over the Delaware, from the Commodore Barry Bridge

 Got comfortable in my window seat:

Best plane supplies

Flew on home:

That snow can melt already, kthanks.

Friday Feels

Wednesday night walk with Charlie - sometimes this place is alright

Why Do NPR Reporters Have Such Great Names?  This article is amusing, even if it doesn't mention Northwest Public Radio host Thom Kokenge (sounds like Cocaine!).  I blogged about him way back when we lived in Idaho and it's amazing how many hits still come in from people Googling his name.  Actually, it's not amazing, it sadly accounts for a large portion of traffic here, but whatever.

Woman eaten by vultures after falling off a cliff - so horrifying.  I love hiking, but I tend to err on the side of caution overly paranoid.  There have been a few situations *canyonlandscoughcanyonlands* where it would have been so easy to slip on a loose pebble and totally eat it down a 1000 foot sheer rock face, but I try to avoid those because, you know, vultures.

 This PSA with Jesse Tyler Ferguson and George Takei - YES.  Lets turn the tables and point out just how sick and damaged the bigots are.  Buy a bow tie.

What fitness experts eat for breakfast - this was super interesting, but didn't really give a sense of portions.  Sure, if you exercise all day for your job, you can eat all that food.  But should I really be eating that much food?  Because I do...but I really like breakfast (clearly) and get a little nauseous if I don't eat lunch by 11.  People are always saying "oh, just have a mid-morning snack," but I really hate snacking and can't seem to bring myself to be one of those people who eats six small meals.

Utah kidnapping victim Elizabeth Smart's stance against abstinence-only sex education - she's speaking out about the kind of message from society that I really worry about if I were to raise a kid here in Utah.    Kind of a heavy topic, and obviously not something I would have to think about for a long time since there's no baby happening up in here at this point in time, but it's a real concern.  Regardless of what I try to teach a kid about sex, and it's clearly not going to want to hear anything from me, I don't want my hypothetical child to absorb some kind of unhealthy, puritan attitude towards good old fashioned doin' it.

New Jersey.  Diner.  Murder Plot.  Sounds like a Sopranos episode, but this is real life, people.  Made me a little homesick just in time for a trip home.

And, finally:
Womanspeak: What we say versus what we mean -  I am completely and utterly guilty of the following  two transgressions:

Words: You’ll never guess what happened!

Reality: I am about to tell you the dumbest story you’ve ever heard. It probably won’t have a point but I’m going to make you listen to the whole thing because I love the way my own voice sounds.

 

Words: Was I super annoying last night?

Reality: I need you to tell me that the awful, obnoxious way I was behaving was actually funny/cute/endearing.

Happy weekend, folks!

Caprese Grilled Cheese

There are a lot of three-word phrases that can change your life, for better or for worse.

We're having triplets

You've been served

That's not chicken

Let's be friends

Mom, I'm gay

You won $1,000,000

Davy Jones died

You get the picture.  But here are three words that will change your MOUTH forever.


Caprese Grilled Cheese


Here are three more:

On Beer Bread

And for good measure:

You are welcome

I'm not the first person in the world to do this.  Fully aware.  The idea actually came to me in a carb-inspired daydream, and I was a little bummed when a Google search pulled up so many glorious iterations of this sandwich.  But you know what?  I'm happy for all the people who made it to this mouthparty before me.  And I'm pretty sure my tastebuds aren't worried about originality.  I have to pat myself on the back, though, because I didn't see anyone else out there in the internets making their caprese grilled cheese on beer bread.

Posting a recipe for grilled cheese might be on the verge of insulting, but bear with me.  At least it's not a boiled water recipe.  The purpose here is more to tantalize and inspire than to actually instruct.

First you'll want to make your beer bread.  If you have a whole afternoon free to bake the bread and let it cool before assembling your sammiches, go on with your bad self (and then tell me how you have a whole afternoon to yourself, because I need this knowledge).  Otherwise, make your bread the day before.  I followed this recipe because I've used it a few times and it's really easy to customize with herbs and spices, shredded cheese, or any kind of beer you feel like using.  To pair well with the caprese theme, this bread is loaded with dried basil and garlic powder with an extra dash of  sea salt and some cracked black pepper.  Because we're classy, I used a tall can of Tecate and let Andy drink the extra 12 oz, but any kind of beer without an overwhelming flavor will do.

Now comes the insulting part, where I tell you what to stick in this bad boy.  Are you ready?  Get a pencil, because you might have trouble remembering all three ingredients for your grocery list:

Basil
Mozzarella
Tomato

That's it!

Assemble:

Two ways - one in the cast iron skillet with plenty of butter, one in the sandwich press:

His

Hers

Don't forget to heat up your soup!

Product placement?

Salivate over the melted cheese

Slice it up, dip it in.  Don't forget your napkin.  You can thank me later, I know your mouth is full.