Syllabus #65

You like numbers?  You like stats?  Let's break it down.

Number of times in my life I have ever skipped a meal because I just forgot to eat: 0

Number of times I have ever purposely skipped a meal: 0

Number of times I have skipped a meal because I was friggin' hungry but didn't have the time or ability to safely consume food:  7

Number of meals skipped in the past two weeks: 7

To anyone who says teachers have a cakewalk during virtual learning, I have this to say to you:  Give me all of that cake because your girl needs the calories right now.

And let me be clear, no person or entity is forcing me to forgo meals or bathroom breaks.  This is not an Amazon warehouse pee in a bottle situation.  There's just so much that needs to get done, for so many people, in so little time.

Given that, this week's readings are a little thin.  Still haven't finished any of the books I've been "reading" for the last three weeks, because I read about 3 pages before my Kindle lands on my face.  If I show up with two black eyes and a broken nose, you can blame Jeff Bezos for that.

Alley flowers

Where was this acne positivity when I was a teenager?  I'm still traumatized.

I read this on Wednesday as I was chowing down on a plateful of sauteed red onion (and some other shit, but seriously like 1/4 of a big onion). If this post goes up on Sunday, you know I dodged a salmonella onion bullet.  This time. 

Safe is sexy, y'all.  It shouldn't be surprising that sex workers are making a point to stay safe in an intimate setting.  They don't want the 'rona any more than they want chlamydia.  But like, if Tammy can work the pole all night with a mask on so she can keep a roof over her head and food on the table, you can suffer through the 10 minutes of mask-wearing it takes to grab your pork rinds and beer at the Kroger, you redneck monsters.    

And finally, did you hear the one about the guy with a penis growing out of his arm?  My search history is now full of phrases like 'British man penis arm' 'Malcolm Macdonald arm penis' 'arm penis uncensored' and finally 'how to wash the inside of your eyeballs to unsee disturbing mental images.'  If you can find a picture of this guy's arm without the pixelated armdick, please post a link in the comments.  

My favorite part of his story is that he has lived with a surgically reconstructed penis grafted to his arm for 4 years because he kept missing the appointments to have it attached to his groin, sometimes due to transportation issues.  Like, mate, do you need a ride to the hospital to get your new penis transferred from your arm to your crotch?  Just hitch a ride.  Roll up that sleeve and stick out your thumb, which no one will even notice due to the generously sized phallus growing out of your goddamn arm.