Syllabus #236

Greetings from the Arctic Circle.  Wish you were here.

Late last week, teachers were like, "Do your snow dance, kids!" and the children might have served it up a little too hard, because we were out of school the entire week, and could possibly be tomorrow, still (Monday).  And this snow-week didn't even draw out in a way that made me think, bless their sweet Southern hearts.  We're talking, any street that wasn't treated and plowed was just waiting for Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan to lace up their skates and party like it's 1994.  I just walked Charlie down the street and around the corner for a previously scheduled grooming appointment and almost fell and broke my cervix* several times.

When I wasn't using a broom to remove snow, or checking on dripping faucets, I lived under this cat and this blanket all week

*A couple winters ago, we had an accumulation of ice and snow and the school district hadn't made the call to cancel school yet.  Parents, students, and even teachers were going absolutely wild on the platform formerly known as Twitter, commenting the rudest things on the district's posts about other topics, lobbying for a snow day.  One high school student said something so unintentionally hilarious that I still think of it often:  "Come on big dawg, it's so icy out there my gramma went outside and she slipped and broke her cervix!"  I'm sure he meant coccyx, but the error is so much better.

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Unstoppable food cravings be gone!  I dunno, man, the only snack that has ever sent me on a truly unstoppable feeding frenzy was a family size bag of Utz Crab Chips, and that was after consuming enough chardonnay to make a pilates studio full of white ladies cry.  And nobody advertised them to me!  Except my mom.  And by advertise I mean she just casually served them with tuna sandwiches like a Pfizer rep just palming you a sample baggie of oxies along with his business card.  That was my first exposure.  The next time, with the chardonnay, I was just chasing the dragon of that delicious, salty, Old Bay experience.

Back in my day, nobody went around obsessing over hydration.  You lined up for your after-recess slurp at the water fountain and had your glass of milk with dinner, and you were good to go.  But now?  I drank the kool-aid electrolyte water, and I have a hydration routine!  I mostly rely on, you know, a regular degular drinking glass or a small, beat-up old Nalgene from REI.  But I'll be so dysregulated if I don't get my 64 ounces a day, y'all.

They had me at 'male cats with barbed penises.'  I guess Hadley and Lola aren't missing out on anything by being spayed.  

Analog Reading:

I've been BUSY.

Finished Finder's Keepers by Stephen King.  I can't wait to read the last book in the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, and all the rest of the Holly stories.  

Read White Cat Black Dog by Kelly Link.  A story collection of modern fairy tales.  Bizarre and inventive.  There was one story that didn't really draw me in, but the rest were top-notch.

Read Terrace Story by Hilary Leichter.  We've all had that weird dream where you find a hidden room in your house that has always been there but you never knew it existed.  This book is that and so much more.

Read Pet by Catherine Chidgey.  Daaaaark.  Coincidentally, the second novel I've read this year that is set in New Zealand and comes to a very violent and brutal ending (also Birnam Wood) but this ending felt like it was earned, whereas the other came out of nowhere.

Reading Billy Summers by Stephen King.  It's great.  I'll finish it today.  Feels appropriate to bookend my week of The Shining cosplay with books by our old pal, Steve.  Also, in this book, he has not (yet) used the n-word even once!  Good on you, Stevie boy.  The protagonist did don brown-face, but at least he and his co-conspirator were self-aware about it being problematic?