When we last convened, the first round of Democratic primary debates had not yet occurred, so I didn't know just how on trend my español efforts would turn out to be. I'm truly a visionary.
So here we are after a brief sabbatical. You are well rested and ready to resume our semi-weekly, sporadic bull sessions. Here's a picture of a flower to center you before we begin:
Two out of three Mississippi gubernatorial candidates follow the Billy Graham rule, refusing to be alone in a room with a woman who isn't their wife. Because all women are evil temptresses who will stop at nothing to get their hands and mouths all over that turgid misogynistic D. State Rep. Robert Foster "refused to allow a female reporter at Mississippi Today go for a day-long campaign ride-along without bringing along a male colleague."
I dunno much about cooking or Billy Graham's woo-woo evangelism, but that sounds less like a recipe for godliness and more like a recipe for gang rape (serves two but can easily be scaled up to feed a hungry crowd!).
I personally follow the Harvey Weinstein rule, where I refuse to be the only female adult in a room with any male(s) past the point of puberty. I also had a bunch of chunky turquoise rings welded into a set of brass knuckles so I look like a quirky lady just back from a spiritual retreat in Taos but I'm ready to knock your teeth out at the slightest provocation.
Do we really need to get rid of the Forrest Day law? The click-baity title drew me in because most reasonable people would say Obviously Yes Of Course We Do. However, the argument here amuses me - keep the law but change the interpretation vis a vis the language, "according to the public sentiment." Let's recognize him alright, but not as a hero in service to his country. Recognize him for the barf-gargling human toilet he was.
An ode to Daria. I feel like I should reach out to the author and be friends, but that might be too much sarcasm and cynicism in one place. I, too, heavily identified with Daria, and was often accused of being Daria in the flesh. That probably served me well in more ways than I can fully appreciate. The author has a point - Daria was almost always right about things! I might as well have worn a WWDD bracelet instead of looking for answers in all the wrong places (see: youth group).
I also had a little crush on Jane's brother Trent, but who didn't? He reminded me of a young, cartoon Jeff Goldblum. Moreover, Trent is the only person in the history of humankind, animated or corporeal, who can pull off a soul patch.
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I always knew the sound of my particular voice is grating and intolerable, but it turns out that to wild animals, at least, all human voices are equally off-putting. I wish I had known about this phenomenon when I used to trail run by myself in Utah. There was a gorgeous canyon about a mile away from our house, and I could sometimes manage a solid 12 miles on a good day. Those 10 miles in the canyon would have been peaceful and perfect if it weren't for my intense paranoia about a mountain lion attack. It probably didn't help that I read The Beast in the Garden shortly before I started the trail running hobby. Every snap of a twig or rustle in the bushes was obviously the last sound I would hear before having my face ripped off. If only I had known I just had to act like a weirdo and talk to myself.
Speaking of things that are an affront to nature: Slate asks, "Who would buy this thing?" The thing being a 'minimalist bag' made by French designer Jacquemus, retailing for $258. That is not a bag, it's a necklace, motherfucker! And it's back ordered! Who???
Outside of the internet, I've been reading Real Books. I recommend them all:
The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
Spying on the South: An Odyssey Across the American Divide by Tony Horwitz
No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July
Feminasty: The Complicated Woman's Guide to Surviving the Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself to Death by Erin Gibson
Your homework: Pet a cute animal, take a picture of something that makes you happy, and give a stranger a sincere compliment. That sounds a little crunchy, but none of that is optional. Homework is 40% of your grade, guys.
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