Syllabus #74

Hey all you cool cats and kittens!

Can you tell who is the buffer friend in this picture?  I like to imagine that when I'm not around, the cats have nothing to talk about except me and that it's really uncomfortable for them.  Is that weird?  Don't answer that.

The sun setting on my sanity

Are we still talking about the fly?  I mean it was some real gallows humor.  Everything is shit and we're all going to die, but this fly brought us all together for the kind of shared cultural experience we haven't enjoyed since Tiger King.  I mean, the fly was funny and all, but let's not let the hilarious symbolism distract us from the actual evil coming out of Pence's mouth - failing to condemn white supremacy, threatening the civil rights and bodily autonomy of black people, gay people, and women, you know, just some of his greatest hits.

So basically, stressing about the virus makes you more likely to become severely ill from it.  That's quite a troubling feedback loop.  Super helpful to know!  I'm not stressed out, you're stressed out!  I didn't break out in an unexplained rash after visiting my mom because, despite isolating to the best of my ability and obtaining a negative test before driving for 6 hours without stopping to pass Go, collect $200, or empty my bladder, I was convinced that I had brought a pox upon her house.  I didn't have rolling panic attacks for two days straight until I got another negative Covid test after I got home.  Nope, not me.  I know how to chill.

God damn, Lindsay Graham!  You just saw the line and sashayed all the way across it.  Whether you live in South Carolina or not, consider throwing Jaime Harrison some bones.  He's giving Graham a hell of a run.  I watched their first debate and Harrison did a damn fine job.  He was focused on the issues and what he would do for the people of his state, and still managed to come back with some totally respectful, factual zingers to the utterly ignorant, trash comments and questions from Lindsay Graham Cracker.

If you have to protect everyone from things that conflict with their religious beliefs in their workplace, here's a brief, non-exhaustive list of things we just have to eliminate:

• Some religions have strict dietary laws that their adherents follow.  No more restaurants where pork or shellfish are served, or where meat and dairy are mixed.  After all, what if a Jewish person works there?
• While we're at it, let's get rid of the entire pork industry just to be safe.  You like ham?  Too fuckin' bad.
• Some religions are very clear that divorce is forbidden.  What if a clerk in some government office just gets the vapors at the very thought of filing divorce paperwork?  Better take divorce off the table.
• What about religions that are opposed to premarital sex and/or sex outside the purposes of reproduction?  Let's wave goodbye to condoms and birth control pills, dental dams, spermicidal lube, sponges (do they still make sponges or was their discontinuation the whole point of that Seinfeld episode?). After all, someone has to manufacture and sell that stuff, and what if it violates their religious beliefs?
• You know, some faiths require women to dress with extreme modesty, but there are an awful lot of clothing stores that sell risqué fashions that would violate religious laws.  Guess we better shutter the last 7 remaining malls, and just put the kibosh on the whole fashion industry, save for the burlap sack sector.  The Pantone color of the year is just 'ehhh I dunno, brown?' from now on.

Just a super casual, not at all worrisome headline to add to your list of things to think about during your constant, rolling panic attacks.  Just a little garnish on this horror smorgasbord.  Just a lil' sprig of parsley to get stuck in your teeth.

Analog Reading:

Finally finished Utopia Avenue by David Mitchell.  It took a hard left turn towards the end in a surreal, mystic direction that I did not see coming and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Overall, I liked it, and despite its length, I found myself feeling sorry it was over.

Started reading Lightness by Emily Temple.  I picked up an ARC at a library conference shortly before we started staying at home.  I'm only a few pages in, and the premise seems interesting, but it's too early to pass any judgments.

Plowing through Our Lady of Perpetual Hunger by Lisa Donovan.  I wouldn't call her the female Anthony Bourdain, but she writes about cooking and the restaurant industry with honesty and rawness and fervor and she isn't afraid to season her words with a well-placed fuck here and there.  Given that food is one of the only experiential pleasures available to me (or any of us, unless you're a maniac) right now, I really appreciate food-centric books these days.