Syllabus #144

 Ah, we have reached the Vernal Equinox at last.  This weeks offerings come to you in the waning hours of spring break (woo).  I spent the time off mostly cleaning, reading, and walking around aimlessly just because I could.  Thanks to the time change, I no longer wake up naturally at 5:00 for no reason, which is honestly a small tragedy because now I will be ripped mercilessly from a sound sleep when my alarm goes off at 5 on weekdays.  Such is life.

What if, hear me out, what if we split the difference and, next time we have to fall back, we just set our clocks back 30 minutes instead of 60?  Time is a flat circle, and also sort of a social construct in terms of the way we label it, right?  So that would screw up the rest of the world, so what?  That would probably be the least egregious way the United States has inconvenienced or harmed the world with our entitled little exceptionalist attitude.  

Well this just brought into question everything I thought I understood about life.  Every day, multiple times a day, children will ask me a question and as I type in search terms their jaws hit the floor as they gape at my gazelle-like typing speed.  "How can you type so fast??" they marvel.  And I usually just say, "Years and years of practice," but if I have more time I try to explain about the home keys and using all your fingers instead of pecking with your pointer fingers, but in my mind I'm always like, "This is for you, Mavis, I hope I'm doing you proud, Mrs. Beacon."  And it turns out, spoiler, SHE WASN'T REAL.

I mean I am probably the size of just one of the legs Mr. The Rock is going to be working on following the meal in this picture, but I feel like if I really wanted to I could go fork to fork with him on this breakfast.  Maybe swap the sirloin for some smoked salmon, but I'm there for the rest of it.

Stop what you're doing.  Put down your drink.  Cancel your plans.  Nobody cares about the actual point of this article, but it has to be emphasized that there is a boat named the EVER URANUS just floating around out there on the ocean.  How many seamen are aboard Ever Uranus?  How much cargo can Ever Uranus hold?  These are the questions that hard-hitting journalism needs to answer for the people.

Idaho always has to take it up a notch in the legal department.  This time it's not something stupid and ultimately harmless (if you're not a wild animal) like allowing people with handicap placards to hunt from their vehicle.  This time it's a real abomination, and such a violation of a woman's bodily autonomy and privacy.  I just can't.

Analog Reading:

I'm still Standing.  But I'm trying to break it up a little with some shorter, lighter reading.

Love in the Time of Contagion by Laura Kipnis, which is not lighter, exactly, but it was substantially shorter.  I thought it was going to be more substantive, or more research-based, with more historical context, but it's very anecdotal and not all that interesting.  

Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be, an essay collection by Nichole Perkins, a cultural critic and writer who grew up in Nashville.  It is a treat.  And you know me and treats.  I don't keep 'em in the house because I have no self control, so naturally, I'm binging on this one 'til it hurts.  Will finish today.