Syllabus #13

I was in Jersey for the past few days, helping my mom paint some rooms in her house and pawing through some childhood relics.  I feel like I really grew as a person.  I mean that only in the literal, physical sense, because I am emotionally stunted.  I ate more pizza, ice cream, and cake in the ~100 hours I spent there than I normally consume in a month.  Also, sorry if you go to any Wawa in the tri-state area and they are out of coffee, because I drank it all.  All of it.

Drank it here

And here

Sisterhood of the traveling caffeine delivery system

I guess I missed a lot of internet while I was away.  Apparently berries are giving us the Hep and OJ joined Twitter and missed a real opportunity by not registering the handle @if_I_tweeted.  He says he has "a little gettin' even to do," which I think means he has to locate and rob the evidence locker where those gloves are being stored because they were his favorite pair.  The late Gloria Vanderbilt's Instagram was/is a national treasure, proving that with enough money, the oldest of (highly elegant, refined) dogs can still learn new tricks.

I finished two books while I was away, probably in part due to all the coffee I drank.  When I wasn't reading or sucking down Wawa's finest, here's some other stuff we did:

We took the Speedline over to Philly to visit the Philadelphia Masonic Temple, which sounds weird because it IS weird.

Wooder

City Hall

The temple

Red upholstery to camouflage the blood of sacrificial goats?

Is there a Wes Anderson movie where Bill Murray is a Mason?

Just an enormous Ben Franklin statue watching you eat

Is this the last card catalog in all of North America?

Free mustache rides

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Dippy's, of course

It's unclear whether this dog likes me

My friends MADE this beer, and it's fucking delicious

Jersey tomato sammich

It was worth it, I was allowed to work it, I put my thing down, flipped it, and reversed it

Everything Bagel Pizza with smoked salmon (only the crust goes in the oven - the cream cheese and toppings are added post-baking, omg we aren't monsters)

Strawberry shortcake/early birthday celebration

I found this in a blanket chest and I have so so so many questions for 17 year old me.  The fact that this handy packet of condoms, lube, and information about the morning after pill is unused tells you pretty much everything you need to know, which is that I probably picked this up at a booth at Warped Tour because SEX IS HILARIOUS, but why did it end up in a bag full of undeveloped film?  Methinks I'm ok with living out the rest of my life without ever knowing what horrors lurk on that film (let's be real it's probably about 65 exposures of me giving someone the finger or me zooming in on my elbow crease so it looks like an asscrack) so it went right in the trash.  Along with the condoms, because I'm pretty sure using an 18 year old condom is how you end up with an 18 year obligation.

Now I'm back up on my bullshit in Nashville, making headway on my Docket of Shit to Do (TM).  This weekend, I look forward to enjoying a couple volunteer opportunities and possibly also celebrating the anniversary of my birth.  The idea is that the volunteering will make me feel more like a contributing member of society and less like a selfish garbage human, but now that I'm admitting what my motivation is, I'm pretty sure I've disqualified myself for sainthood.