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| I really had higher expectations for What Color is Your Parachute, but the advice is a little uninspired |
Nashville man calls 911 eighteen times to complain that he was assaulted by Brad Pitt. He must not have any friends, because I would have called everyone in my contact list to brag about it. I would re-punch myself in the face whenever the bruises started to heal so that for months, whenever people on the street asked me about it, I could say, "Oh, this black eye? It's from Brad Pitt. Yes, that Brad Pitt."
I'm putting this link here because I hope it will be something we forget about in a few weeks as the news cycle continues to gyrate out of control like a Tasmanian devil on meth in a Zumba class. I hope it will not, instead, be something we look back on in a few weeks with longing for a simpler time.
Does anyone remember this Levar Burton joint? It strikes me as vaguely familiar but I don't know if I ever actually watched the movie in its entirety or caught a few minutes while flipping channels. Do you have voice activated technology in your life? I, for one, say Fuck. That. Noise. I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey and I'm not here to play with HAL or any of his demented little friends. Alexa is not welcome in my house. I don't care if you're a real human being named Alexa. You wanna step across that threshold, you need to legally change your name first because I don't trust you. I don't know any real life Siris, but you can stay the hell out, too.
Keanu channeling MC Hammer realness and demonstrating how one can, in fact, manage to not touch this. This being women's bodies in any place that they may not want to be touched. Smart guy. He realizes that being accused of sexually inappropriate conduct would not be an excellent adventure, but rather, a bogus journey.
Interesting article about the upside down economics of the struggling Upright Citizens Brigade Theaters. This quote made me wonder about my own participation in comedy:
Roberts added that paid talent would necessarily take fewer creative risks, though he used an example of such risk unique to UCB, where some legendarily lauded performances have trended to the scatological: “Once they pay you, you get told what to do about it,” he said. “ ’Cause you’re not gonna not sell out that show if I’m paying you, so you’re not gonna piss in a jar—and that stuff can be pretty funny.”
I have thought about this regarding my own open mic performances. I've never been paid to do comedy (probably because you usually need to be offering something of value in order to be paid, and there are maybe 5 actual humans who think I'm funny) but if I was paid, would that ultimately be creatively stifling? Would I play it safe in an effort to please the audience? As it is now, I kind of do whatever weird shit I want and as long as I think it's funny I'm more or less happy with it. Laughter from the audience is just an added bonus.
Speaking of performance spaces: Coming soon to a toilet near you, the comedy tour exactly zero people asked for.
Apparently New Jersey is the least patriotic state. I hate linking to the New York Post, but I promise I don't hang out on that page to give them traffic on purpose - I clicked through a link from The Skimm because they baited me with this nonsense: "New Jersey - The country's least patriotic state. To be fair, if you were from NJ, you might be down on the US, too."
Well, I am from New Jersey, so give me a second to pull my earrings out before I start swinging at you. What makes me down on the US is seeing the grotesque social and economic inequality in other parts of the country. Not to say NJ is perfect, but on issues such as transportation infrastructure, schools, paid maternity leave, etc., the so-called armpit of the country is doing a lot better than some of the other places I've lived around our great nation. Maybe people in other states engage in more volunteering out of sheer necessity because there are fewer social safety nets provided by their state governments - did ya think about that possibility? Idaho might be especially patriotic by the metrics used in the WalletHub survey, but there are 3rd world countries with better quality roads, and where are you drawing the line between patriotism and jingoism? Where's the line between being proud to live in a free country and using the flag as a Libertarian invisibility cloak to keep The Man off your back so you can shoot your guns and exploit your natural resources and/or women in peace?
Hell hath no fury like a woman from Jersey scorned.
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