Oh Randy Taylor

Happy 30th birthday to my third (but most passionate) celebrity crush, Jonathan Taylor Thomas!! 

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JTT, you may have appeared on the scene after Davy Jones and Mark Paul Gosselaar, but you were always the brightest-burning candle in my shrine of dreamy celebrities.  You were also the only one young enough to be realistic, at least from a pedophilia standpoint.  Although, seriously, cut a sister a break.  When you're three years old and totally digging on The Monkees, no self-respecting mother with the slightest awareness of child development is going to find it worthwhile to explain that a) these are 20-year old reruns, b) that man you love so much is 40 years older than you, and c) statutory rape is icky so just give it another 13 years and you'll reach the age of consent.  I just didn't know any better.  Thanks, Mom, for letting me be a 'Daydream Believer' until at least the ripe old age of 6 (when I discovered that there was no Santa and subsequently came to hate and distrust the world for probably the next 14 years).

In fact, now that I think of it, thank you, Mom, for accommodating and even cultivating my deep and profound love of Davy Jones.  You went so far as to record the two earth-shattering episodes of My Two Dads in which D to the J guest-starred.  Perhaps we have this show to thank for my unadulterated affection for gay men and the GLBTQ community at large, even though Paul Reiser and that guy no one remembers weren't actually gay on the show - the undertone was totally there and super progressive for the 80's, I'm guessing.

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Not going to lie, though, Jim Varney of "Ernest" movie fame/infamy was more than a little intriguing to me from roughly 1989 through 1993.  You wouldn't call it a crush, exactly, but I did have an "Ernest Goes to Jail" poster of which I was inordinately fond.

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My god.  This started as an ode to JTT and turned into a manifesto of reasons why I'm creepy.  But isn't that really what blogging is all about?  Oversharing in the hope that someone out there validates your weirdness and ups the ante just a hair?  Who wants to go first?  Anyone have a fetish for Christopher Lloyd or Steve Buscemi?  Or that lady who played Hatchetface in Crybaby?  I mean, seriously, you're going to have to really put yourself out there if you want to top pre-kindergarten Jim Varney lovin'.  But this is a safe, non-judgmental place.  Just let it out.  Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you.

Know what I mean, Vern?