My Favorite Muff

There used to be a station in the food court at the Deptford Mall called "My Favorite Muffin."  For an awkwardly long period of time in high school, the neon in the sign was burned out at the end of 'Muffin.'  Every weekend, we'd end up at the mall, and every weekend, we were confronted with "My Favorite Muff."

Until we were confronted by mall security for taking the nylon peds from a shoe store and wearing them on our faces.  Or for releasing one of those mechanical hamsters in a ball in a high traffic area.  Or  for tucking our head and arms inside our shirts and posing next to the mannequins in a storefront.  All totally harmless.  They're really lucky we never followed through with our 'drink syrup of ipecac and then ride the escalator' plan.  (To be clear, the only reason this didn't happen is because we found out ipecac was no longer sold over the counter.  To be even clearer, in case you don't understand what this plan would have entailed, the goal was to drink this vomit-inducing substance and then barf all over the escalators so they would have to be shut down in order to be cleaned.  Something about the idea of watching your puke cycle round and round through those escalator teeth sounded really rewarding at age 17.)

But I digress, now that I've lost all credibility as a reasonable adult, and probably grossed you out.  This post isn't about being a mildly delinquent mall rat.  It's about muffins.

These banana bran muffins will blow your mind.  They will rock your face off.  They will change your life in ways you never thought imaginable, and will touch you at the most vulnerable core of your soul.  They will, at the bare minimum, give you twelve individually packaged carb-based food items to put in your mouth when you're trying to use up some janky old bananas.

I adapted this recipe from another one that I pretty much invented, because I'm pretty much amazing.  So far, I have shared that recipe with only my mom and grandmom.  One day, I will share it with the world.  But for now, I will let my grandmom be absolutely obsessed with the mystery muffins that no one else on the planet gets to eat.

In the meantime, I give you banana bran muffins.

Gather your tools and ingredients.  You're going to make a mess.  Just go with it.

3 overripe bananas, mashed 

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp powdered ginger

3/4 cup wheat bran

2 chia "eggs" - (each egg is 1 tbsp chia seeds mixed in 3 tbsp water)

1/2 tsp vanilla

2 tbsp molasses (or honey, or maple syrup)

2 tbsp fresh grated ginger (make the effort to use fresh, it's totally worth it, and the powdered by itself just isn't the same!)

zest of 1/2 to 1 lemon (depending on how much you want to brighten the flavor) 

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 cup shredded coconut

a few splashes of almond milk - about 1/4 cup (or coconut, rice, soy, cow's milk, whatever floats your boat) 

handful of raisins (or dried fruit of choice, dice to about 1/4 inch if using something larger than raisins)

handful of roughly chopped walnuts

preheat oven to 375, prepare muffin tin with grease or paper liners for 12-13 muffins

mix chia eggs and let stand for at least 10 minutes

mash bananas really thoroughly until they are somewhat soupy, add the cinnamon and powdered ginger, then stir in the bran - let stand for 10 minutes

while your chia eggs and bran are soaking, whisk the flour, salt, baking soda, and baking powder - combine thoroughly, then whisk in the shredded coconut

add molasses, vanilla, grated ginger, and lemon zest to banana-bran mixture, and then stir in the chia eggs

fold the dry ingredients into the wet - if it seems to dry at this point, add your milk of choice, a splash or a tablespoon at a time

toss raisins and walnuts into the batter, give it another good stir

drop spoonfuls of batter into muffin cups until about 3/4 full

bake at 375 for 20-22 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean

let cool in the pan for 5 minutes, and then transfer to a rack to finish cooling

Then, go to town and stuff your face, but feel good about it!  these are probably some of the healthiest muffins you'll ever eat in your life.  way healthier than the chocolate cheesecake muffins the size of your head from My Favorite Muff(in).