The Isolation Journals - Day 93

Prompt:  Look through your past journal entries. Without overthinking it, choose a sentence that intrigues you. Imagine a flashing cursor (or some annoyingly precocious four-year-old) at the end of it, asking why? Answer the question, then ask it again. Continue until you’ve gotten to the heart of the matter.

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There is a brilliant children's book called Why? by Adam Rex, in which a little girl badgers a super-villain into psychoanalyzing himself.  She brings him to the realization that his daddy issues are motivating him to try to take over the world, just by repeatedly asking, "why?"  

On day 85, we wrote about monuments we carry.  I said I was carrying "oh you know, just a super casual belief that I am a garbage human who contributes nothing to society, and nobody likes me, and I don't deserve to take up any space in the world, physically or metaphorically."  And I know that is factually untrue, but I still kind of believe it.  So let's allow our hypothetical four-year-old to unleash her gentle interrogation tactics.

I believe I am a garbage human who contributes nothing to society, and nobody likes me, and I don't deserve to take up any space in the world, physically or metaphorically.

Why?

Well, I have low self-esteem and feel like I'm generally a selfish person who doesn't try hard enough to connect with others.

Why?

Probably because in my head, I'm still the hideous adolescent who was never the best at anything, and I carry around this sense of guilt that I'm lazy and should be doing more.

Why?

Have you seen the pictures?  I was afraid to wear turtlenecks lest the pressure pop my whole head like one giant zit.  

Why?

See, there are these things called hormones, and also genetics, and it turns out I was genetically predisposed to develop acne when my hormones triggered puberty -

What's puberty?

Whoa, kid, you're going off-script.  You're allowed to ask 'why' and that's it.

Why?

Because I'm controlling the narrative here and I'm not equipped to explain puberty to someone else's preschooler.

Why?

Because I will either warp you irretrievably or set you on a lifelong path of respecting your body and having a healthy attitude towards sex and those are not my dice to roll.  That's a risk your parents have to take.  Go ask your mother if you're so curious.

Why?

Because she said you're going to have ice cream for dinner while she tells you all about puberty.

[And that's how you outsmart a relentless four year old, and probably also lose adult friends]