The Isolation Journals - Day 99

Prompt:  How do you get past pain? How do you let go of the illusion of control? How do you find meaning?

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Guess we're going deep on this one.  Have fun, y'all, don't get the bends or something.  I'll just be up here paddling on the surface with my snorkel and my floaties.  I'm not brave enough for those shark-infested waters.

What do I know about pain, except how to ignore it?  Physical or emotional, the fastest way to make it go away is to pretend it's not there.  Or make a joke about it.  Sometimes that's the only way to manage - if you can't laugh about it, you'll definitely cry about it.

As for control, I'm not religious nor have I been to AA but I think there's value in the Serenity Prayer.  I try not to get worked up about other people's behavior or attitudes.  They are beyond my control.  All I can control is my own behavior, but boy do I go overboard there.  I'm still trying to figure out whether certain habits, related to food, exercise, and other obsessive behaviors, are controlling me or the other way around.  So again, don't do as I say or as I do, because I'm a hot mess just waiting for a spark to ignite a full-on dumpster fire.

The meaning part is a little easier.  It's called a dictionary, ever heard of it?  For me, it's completely subjective.  Again, not religious so there's no overarching meaning I can ascribe to our days on this complicated blue marble.  I believe everyone can make or find meaning if they choose to create it or look for it.  For me, meaning lies in creating - writing, comedy, artwork, photography, baking.  It's in enjoying small things - reading a good book, taking a walk, sipping a cold cocktail on a hot day, watching my cat bathe herself (and snickering about how creepy that sounds when you say it out loud).  It's in trying not to be a selfish asshole all the time.  I'm sure that wouldn't work for everyone, and it doesn't always work for me, but it's the best I got.