Usually, I get a good laugh out of these ads. Sometimes, though, they make me sad. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a really graphic but grammatically incorrect solicitation for sex. I associate bad grammar and spelling with the smelly kid in elementary school who always wore dirty sweatpants and had his finger up his nose. You know the one I'm talking about, because somehow, the memory of that one time you had to be desk partners with him took over the memory bank of your entire childhood. You cannot escape this kid, because he is ubiquitous. There is one in every classroom, in every office. He's not only aesthetically repugnant, he can't spell and has no concept of grammar, which, in my book, is the worst offense of all, because you spend half your life correcting his stupidity on group projects.
When I read something poorly written on the internet, I immediately think of this kid:
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| Anatomy of the Smelly, Grammatically-Challenged Kid |
Do you find anything remotely sexual about this person? Neither do I.
Therefore, when I see an m4m personal with the subject "Straight men need sucked off?" my stomach churns, because all I see is that kid sitting on his computer in his mother's basement, writing that ad with one hand, and using his other to pick his nose, naturally, because some things never change and picturing anything else would just liquefy my fragile brain.
How can anyone with standards find that offer alluring? It's missing a verb, for one thing. He'd be halfway there if he just inserted a "to be" between need and sucked. Come on, guy. But then he adds insult to injury by ending the sentence in a preposition. I suppose any other phrasing would be awkward, but throw us a bone, dude. Tack a "tonight" on the end for good measure, or maybe an adverb: sensually, ferociously, accidentally, transcendentally, or publicly. [Morgan, that use of Oxford comma was for YOU.]
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