Feelings for Breakfast!: I'm not Jewish, but it's okay if you think I am, because I kind of wish I was

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm not Jewish, but it's okay if you think I am, because I kind of wish I was - Part 1

I have lost track of the occasions in my life in which people have assumed I am Jewish. That's right, it has happened frequently enough that not every incident remains memorable. The first time I remember it happening, I was in middle school. I was walking by myself across the football field to the high school for some after school activity, maybe field hockey, when I heard two boys behind me talking about Jewish people.

"Yea, that girl's Jewish...Hey, you, aren't you Jewish?"

I turned around. "Uh, do you mean me?"

"Yea, you, there's nobody else around."

"Uh, no? Why?"

"I thought you were. You look Jewish."

I was kind of confused, because it was the first time my 13 year old brain had ever encountered the idea that someone can look Jewish. I kind of liked the idea. I never really thought I looked like anything, except a little bit like my dad, who looked like Native American Bob Vila. (Hilarious sidenote - my father looked so much like Bob Vila that a woman in a diner once approached him for his autograph. He gave it to her.) I figured looking like an entire exotic culture of people was better than looking like the guy from This Old House.

I went on to embrace this assumption wholeheartedly. I developed a self-deprecating sense of humor, a dislike of pork products, and an attitude towards money that I like to call "being responsibly frugal" and everyone else calls "being cheap." I'm only partially kidding about that last one, but it's okay for me to say things like that because even though I'm not officially Jewish, I have a great respect for the culture and I really WANT to be Jewish. That makes it okay...right? Can't you people (and I mean "you people" in the best way possible) just make me an honorary Jew?

Looking back, it strikes me as terribly ironic (albeit quite flattering) that anyone would think I'm Jewish, considering my maiden name rhymes with the surname of Germany's 'Desert Fox,' Erwin Rommel, of World War II fame. Although, in his defense, he was considered "chivalrous and humane," never committed any war crimes, and allegedly took part in a plot against Hitler. Still, I don't care how much of a "gentleman" you were - if you fought for the Nazis, even if you were only a Nazi in the capacity of fighting against allied forces that were trying to stop your countrymen from being evil Nazis, you were almost certainly terrible and were not even remotely Jewish.

Here's a photo montage of Jews, which I think does a good job of illustrating how I could be taken for one of our Hebrew brethren: